Mi Bella Genie
by DualityOfSoul
Summary: "Be careful what you wish for" rings all too true after a contest of "Who Can Aggravate Pam to Death". Jason, Bill and Eric may get more than they asked for.


**AN**: First of all I want to thank my betas **slcurwin **and** Aimee1985 **for all their help. Working with me is not easy and I probably wouldn't publish at all without you girls. Thank you!

Also this was an entry for the _Snarky Sidekick Contest_. I want to thanks all the judge for their comments on the story and all the ways I can improve as a writer.

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me but I did hear CH on Dead Air giving her permission to write fanfics, so you can't sue me. Haha!

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><p><strong>Mi Bella Genie<strong>

Eric sat and observed for a long time the crystal bottle on his desk without speaking. It was long; at least 9 inches in height. Round at the bottom and slim at the top. Its colors were a pastel pink, blue and purple. There were small sapphires incrusted in the body and the cork had an emerald attached; currently laying beside the bottle on the desk. He had seen similar bottles like it in exotic places like India, Egypt or Japan. It was obviously very costly and the witch who was its former owner had wasted no expense buying it. However, as beautiful and expensive as the bottle was on the outside, its real worth was what was held inside. His child's life essence.

That particular bottle was charmed to house one of two things. Real genies or those cursed to become genies; which was Pam's case.

"Let me see if I understand" He said in a calmed dry tone. His office door was closed as was the bar itself. The only people present were his subjects; Bill Compton- his wife's ex-lover to be exact, Jason Stackhouse; werepanther and brother in-law, his wife and obviously his child; once a vampire now genie. "You decide to get revenge on us by having a witch hex us. But the witch you went to see is the current lover of one of your old castoffs. And she, being a jealous bitch, cursed you instead?" He finished his speech with a raise eyebrow.

"I don't see how that surprises you." intervened Sookie. "I know for a fact that supe women are all crazy. Remember Debbie?"

Satisfied with that Eric nodded. Now, he remembers to what lengths Debbie Pelt had gone when she had believed Sookie had been involved with Alcide Herveaux - werewolf and current pack-master. That hadn't always been the case however. There was a time in which he didn't remember anything from his life. He got back those memories only to lose the ones he made while he was cursed. Recalling that that was also thanks to a witch he scowled. His sympathies, once more, with his child.

"So, who were you going to have hexed?" asked Jason in the most nonchalant way he could find. He didn't fool anyone.

Pam wasn't aware how it had all started - though she suspected it had been the werepanther's idea- but Jason, Bill and Eric seemed to have started a contest. The "_Who Can Aggravate Pam to Death_" contest. First prize still pending. With his childish nature she hadn't been surprised at her friend's brother's antics. He reeked of immaturity. When it came to her maker, he enjoys playing practical jokes on her so that wasn't new to her. Compton's participation on that front, however, caught her unaware. She had not realized that he had a sense of humor or that he would denigrate himself to act like an adolescent but recent actions had disrobed her of that notion. She did suspect that the reason he joined in the first place was another misplaced attempt of showing Sookie he too could be as fun loving as Eric was. Pam was sure he was failing miserably in his mission.

Pam came very close to snorting. "As if I could tell you. And let the lot of you crown that idiot as the winner of that stupid game you are playing."

"Aww come on." Begged Jason. Ever since his girlfriend left Bon Temps to go live with her sick mother in Chicago, he had been trailing after Sookie, which was how he came to be a fixture in their strange multiracial group of friends.

"You do know," Bill interrupted him in his calm, somewhat lazy tone of voice. "If you do give us a name then the pranks will be over."

Pam seemed to regard this for a moment then sighed. Since she didn't need to breath in the first place it was an exaggerated, overly dramatic gesture. "If you must know, the hex was meant for Eric."

The blond in question sent a fangy smirk at his competitors. He was obviously pleased that he was the winner of their game. His gloating was stopped before it could even begin by Sookie's dry tone.

"Now children, if we could get back to what's really important." She sent the three men a hard look.

"I have never heard of a vampire being turned into genie." said Bill. "I will, of course, research this on the internet immediately."

"I too will check with some of my contacts." That was Eric. He didn't want to be overshadowed by one of his subjects, especially since the one in need of assistance was his own child. "I'm still in contact with some very old vampires. They may have encountered something similar in their long life."

"Why don't we just go to the one who cursed her in the first place?" asked the voice of reason.

When the voice of reason came in the form of Jason Stackhouse, Pam supposed she had serious reasons to be worried.

"If the three of you stop running your mouth's just to hear your own voices and let me have a turn, I would have told you what I know." Sookie intersected into the silence. When the three men nodded to her sheepishly, or as sheepish as two vampires can look, she continued. "After I went to the magic store to retrieve Pam - along with her new and hopefully brief home" She pointed to the bottle with the side of her head "I called Amelia."

"What did she say?" asked Pam. She was levitating on the floor though it wasn't thanks to a vampire trick. Rather it was thanks her new nature of genie.

"The curse will last as long as you resist it. She says you have to embrace your new powers."

"And how exactly I'm supposed to do that?"

Sookie shook her head. "I don't know. Amelia says she has never heard of a vampire being cursed like this before. She did say however that by the nature of the spell itself you should have the answers within yourself."

"If I knew how to turn back, Sookie, I assure you I would have by now."

"Well give it a try." pleaded Sookie. "Mediate or something. If it works that's great. If not, we still have Bill's computer and Eric's old buddies."

_Meditate my tight ass_ Thought Pam to herself. Not having any other option at hand she closed her eyes. It was pretty easy for her to block all outside sounds and voices. She goes inside of her mind every time she had nothing better to do. Her maker's wife called it "down time". And she - Pam- supposed her blond friend have it as close as anyone could get. It didn't take her long to find what she was looking for. It was like opening a book and encountering what she needed on the first page. Suddenly she knew what was happening to her and what she needed to do in order to return to normalcy.

"Well?" asked Eric.

"I'm a genie."

"We kind of knew that already'" said Jason.

"No. I am a genie. I'm bound to my bottle -my home from now on- until I'm free."

"What do you need to be freed? Is this like Aladdin? Can we wish you free?"

Pam shook her head. "I read of this Aladdin. It's similar but not the same. I have to grant 3 wishes, but they cannot be to the same person. Also, because I'm not a born genie, there's not enough magic in me to grant the wishes in quick succession. They have to be spread apart by 30 days at least. And that's as long as the magic will last."

"Like whatever is wished will disappear in a month?" asked Sookie.

"Yes."

"I don't get it." Jason interrupted her.

"Say you wish you could fly. I can give you the talent but in a month it will be gone." she explained.

"Are there any more rules?" asked Eric, Pam could tell her master was already planning.

"I can't kill anyone. I can't bring someone dead back to life. I can't make anyone love or hate anyone else. I can't open portals to other worlds nor time travel. And I can't create or break bonds of any kind. Apart from that everything else is fair game."

There was a moment of silence while everyone else took in Pam's words. Then Eric turned to Sookie. "Do you want to take the first wish, my lover?"

"No." her answer came quick, which she accompanied with a shake of her head. "I was warned by my great-grandfather about Genies. No offense, Pam."

"Since Sookie does not want the wish," said Pam in a dry sarcastic tone. "I supposed the three of you will take advantage of them." She could see in their faces that the idea more than pleased them. She bristles. "Once I'm back to myself I will get my revenge." she promised.

"Until then..." Jason shrugged to show how worried he was about it. "I'd take the first wish, if that's OK with you two."

Both Bill and Eric gave Jason a measured look before nodding. Pam, being a strategist herself, understood that both males would let Jason go first to see how the situation went; If it was safe for them to wish as well.

"Very well." said the female vampire. "What is your wish?"

"I want to be a full werepanther. Not a bitten one."

Pam was aware that Jason was jealous of his pack-mates. How could he not be, when he was a pale imitation of the real thing?

"You do realize that it won't be a permanent change, don't you Jason?" Sookie asked him worriedly. She knew how much her brother wanted to be a full werepanther.

"I'm not stupid, Sook. I get it. I just want to know what it's like to change without needing the full moon. And what it's like to become a real panther. Not the half panther half human I usually turn into." His voice was matter of fact, but Pam could tell he was uncomfortable to show in front of his playmates how he wished he was different. Bill was looking at him with pity whereas Eric couldn't care less. At the moment, Jason was happier with Eric's reaction more than with Bill's.

"As you wish then." said Pam looking Jason directly in the eyes. He had the gall to smirk at her when he remembered why she was now in this position. "For the next month you will know what it's like to be a born werepanther rather than the half-ling you are. You will change at will and you'll have the same responsibilities that they have."

Though Jason didn't particularity care for the word _responsibilities_, born were or bitten, he had shouldered his part. He had spent more than one weekend fixing someone's roof or painting someone's house. He had giving money to the communal fund too. He realized early on that he had to do these things if he wanted to keep being part of the pack; and his responsibilities now were no different than that of the born were-males. The way he sees it, he had nothing to lose and an experience to win.

"Your wish has been granted." said Pam grudgingly.

"Jason, you should tell Calvin about this so he knows why you can suddenly change like a born were." suggested Sookie.

"Don't tell anyone Pam was the one who changed you." warned Eric. "Just tell him you found a genie."

"Guys I'm not stupid. I got it." Then he smiled. "I can't wait to change."

* * *

><p>Pam knew from Eric, who heard it from Sookie, that Jason's transformation had gone well. She had yet to see him in person, but according to his sister Jason has had a sudden burst in his popularity in Hotshot and had been spending his free time with the people who could understand his new side the best. Also, he seemed to have a new responsibility within the pack but he hadn't told Sookie what that was. Only that he had to perform it for as long as Pam's magic was still active.<p>

When she finally got to see him, it was a few days before the month was up and he was in a hospital.

"Pam, Eric, I'm so glad you are here." said Sookie standing up from her seat beside her brother's bed. She hugged Pam first and then settled into Eric's arms.

The vampire/genie could tell Jason was either sleeping or heavily sedated. His left foot was on top of a mountain of pillows and there seemed to be some bandages on the half of his body that was under the sheet.

"What happened to him?" asked Eric.

"He broke his foot, dislocated his hip and his lower back it's not looking so hot either."

"How? Did he fall from the roof of his house or something?"

Sookie colored and shook her head.

"Then what happened?" asked her Eric.

"It was a sex incident." she said in a rushed voice.

Both Eric and Pam watched her in silence for several moments. "That must have been some sex." said Pam. She sounded almost envious.

"It's not funny." injected Sookie indignantly. "Jason is really hurt."

"Who was he having sex with?" Pam asked her in the same smirky tone. Contrary to Sookie's statement, it was funny.

"You better ask with whom he DIDN'T have sex with these last few weeks at Hotshot. And that would be with the men. Because now that he's a full werepanther, Calvin though it was a great time to try to inject new blood to the gene pool. So he's been making Jason have sex with all the women that can get pregnant in the pack!"

"Well he did always think of himself as an irresistible stud."

Sookie hit Eric in the chest with her fist. "My brother is not a horse for Heaven's sake."

"You know I'm surprised he had the stamina to do all the women in such a short amount of time." said Pam. She was clearly enjoying Jason's situation.

"He didn't of course." said Sookie in the most dignified tone she could summon. "He's not a machine. He had been taking outside stimulants, which is another reason he was brought here."

"What has he been taking?" asked Eric his voice turning serious. He went from amused brother-in-law to vampire Sheriff in two seconds flat.

Sookie, who after all their time together knew how to read him, hissed at him like an angry cat. "Not vampire blood if that's what you're implying. He's not a complete idiot!"

"Then what?" he was skeptical.

"Oh I know" said Pam. She was smiling brilliantly and Sookie could see her fangs. "He's taking that thing that is on the TV. The one for old men. Viagra!"

"Pam!" cried Sookie, horrified.

"Oh for God's sake. You are such a lovely prude." She told Sookie in a sweet, amused tone.

"Viagra huh?" said Eric. "This is most interesting." He sounded ominous.

"You are not going to tease him about this Eric Northman."

"We'll talk about that later. Come, you haven't eating anything. Let's go to the cafeteria."

Pam waited until the two of them left the room to go near Jason's bed. She could tell by his breathing and the blush coloring his cheeks that he had woken up sometime after she and Eric came into the room. And that he had heard the entire conversation.

"You didn't get to video tape this particular encounter by any chance?"

"Oh shut up" Jason said opening his eyes to glare at the blond vampire. "This is all your fault!"

"I wasn't there. Much the pity for that."

"You knew this was going to happen. I'm sure of it."

"It was your wish." She shrugged to show him how little she was concerned.

"But... But"

"No buts. This was your wish and now you deal with the consequences. "

"Tomorrow is the full moon. There's no way they are going to let me go. I'll have to miss it."

"Kind of ironic don't you think? All you wanted was to change like they did and yet you won't be able to change at all."

"I hate you" he said pouting. "I know you did this on purpose."

"Can you prove it though? Like I said before, this was your wish."

Jason snarled at her. Pam just smirked.

* * *

><p>The setting was almost identical as their last meeting. This time though there was not an air of uncertainty and anger like the last time. Now in its place there was anticipation.<p>

Though they were sorry, in different degrees of course, about Jason's bad luck, both Bill and Eric had chalked up his accident to Jason's own clumsiness. And truth be told, both males found their friend's situation very amusing. Eric had in fact commissioned a series of comics depicting the sexual adventure that landed him in the hospital. The comic strip always seemed to appear at the young were's house and in his truck despite the fact that he had hired a local witch to ward his possessions from Eric, Bill and Pam. Also, a year's supply of Viagra had been delivered to his house. He hadn't figured out yet who was the one who ordered them. But he was swearing vengeance would be his. None of the vampires paid him any mind.

With the first month up, Pam was more than eager to grant a second wish. The sooner she was done with the whole gig, the sooner she could resume her life. Unfortunately, she had been forced to be inside of the bottle until summoned. And the few times she had tried sleeping on her bed, she had been transported back to the bottle as soon as she became dead for the day.

Also, she really missed her clothes. The genie outfit - which makes her look like a harem girl- was fun for a time. After that, she wants the comfort of her chosen style. She had tried to change but that had proven hopeless as well.

The one good thing that came from that was that she had already maxed Eric's credit cards buying new clothes for when she could use them again. Eric had yet to realize that, which Pam fervently hoped happened in a public place where he could be forced to call her in for help.

"Have the two of you decided who's going to be the next one to wish?" she asked the two vampires.

"I will let Bill take this turned." responded Eric.

Pam turned to Bill. "Well?" she prompts him in a hard tone.

Bill sends a quick apprehensive look at Eric. That was clue enough of what he was going to wish about. The Viking scowled at the younger vampire.

"Pam can't make Sookie love you."

"I know. She can't create feelings out of nothing. But I don't want Pam to make Sookie love me. I believe that is already the case." He waited for a moment for Eric to retaliate. He was, after all, accusing the sheriff's wife of having feelings for another man.

"Bill, no." It was Sookie not Eric who spoke. There was a sad note in her voice. "I'm in love with Eric. You know that."

"Yes, you are. But I believe you love me too." He sounded really certain of himself.

"Sure I love you." She said gently, like she was explaining something to Hunter and not to a hundred plus year old vampire. "But I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with Eric."

Bill shook his head. "You are in love with both of us. I am sure of that."

Eric glares at him while Sookie watch's him with an open mouth. Then Pam jumped. "This is from that movie Sookie forced us to watch." The three of them looked at her. "The one in which the vampires sparkle."

"_Twilight_?" asked Sookie in surprise. She had taken her vampire friends to see that movie though it had been strictly for laughs. Eric, especially, liked movies about vampires even if they were less than accurate.

"Yes, that's the one." Pam said laughter clearly in her voice. "Isn't that right, Bill?"

If Bill could have blushed he would have. He sent Pam a disdained look. "It doesn't really matter where I got the idea." He told them, but his pride was seriously injured by their amusement. "What is important is that I'm sure of Sookie's feelings for both Eric and myself."

"Bill, I'm not in love with you."

"Yes, you are. And I'm going to prove it."

"That's it? That's your wish? You want me to make Sookie confess to have feelings for you?"

"No. Of course not. I wouldn't force Sookie to do anything." Pam snorted at that. "My wish is for you to let me feel Sookie's feelings."

"What?" asked the three blonds in unison.

"I want to feel what Sookie feels. I want to think as Sookie does. That way we'll know without a doubt where her feelings really lay" He finished proud of his reasoning.

"We know with whom my feelings lay, Bill." said Sookie. She was really mad at him and was making no effort of hiding the fact.

"That is his wish" intervened Pam before Eric could speak or take Bill's head. Whichever came first "For the next month you will feel and think as Sookie does. Your wish has been granted."

Bill who had been sitting on Eric's leather couch suddenly fell to the floor, gurgling noises coming from his throat. Had he been mortal his companions would have worried he was choking. As it were, only the lone human in the room showed some concern.

"Is he alright?"

"Yes." Pam told her. "His feelings and thoughts are being replaced by yours. It's going to take him a few seconds to adjust to the change."

Taking comfort from the genie's words she nodded. The noises he had been making stopped as sudden as they had started and he was sitting on the floor looking a little dizzy. Bill shook his head lightly and stood up.

"Well?" asked Eric. He wasn't worried that the brunet would announce that he had been right and that Sookie was in love with him. The Viking was aware that that boat sank a long time ago.

Bill focused on Eric when the big vampire talked to him. His face changed. It was like someone had turned on a light in side of him. He was practically glowing. And then he talked. "Eric." he breathed the name like it was gospel. Holy. "You are so perfect. So beautiful. Every time I see you I just wanna fuck you and bite you and rub myself all over you."

Eric was too surprised to react. He didn't even move when the civil war veteran threw himself on top of him and started trying to do as he had described.

After a brief scuffle in which Eric was doing his best to keep Bill at arm's length and Bill was doing his best to grope him, the Viking managed to pin the younger vampire to the floor. He sent a furious look at his child but his effect was ruined because Pam could see the mild panic on it.

"This is your fault. You will pay for this." Saying that, he then punched Bill in the head hard enough that the other vampire stopped struggling for a few seconds. Then he fled.

"Eric, my love, don't leave me!" begged Bill standing up from the floor. "I love you!" he yells and left after the sheriff. He didn't give a second look at the women back in the office.

"What was that?" asked Sookie. She was trying very hard to not let the laughter inside of her out.

"I said I was going to give him your thoughts and feelings. I never mentioned your inhibition."

"Pam. This is great. But what's going to happen if Bill catches him?"

"What would you do if you were the one chasing Eric?"

Sookie though for a minute then blushed. "I hope Eric is faster. Because if not..."

"I hope," said Pam happily "that I'm there; with a camera ready."

"Oh Pam." chuckled Sookie. "You are a genius!"

"I know."

* * *

><p>Bill was banned from Fangtasia until further notice. If the other vampires wondered why, none of them came forward to ask. Then again, for the rest of the vampires of Area Five, it was far more interesting speculating as to when Bill started to prefer men over women and Eric over other men for that matter.<p>

The last time Bill had been seen at the bar he had tried to serenade Eric in front of everyone. Pam had been there with her new digital camera. Not only did she get her pictures, she also managed to make a video. After that she convinced Jason to teach her how to upload it on _YouTube_. It had gone viral. Eric's trips to Bon Temps were also forgotten. Since Bill's house was so close to Sookie's, the blond vampire had been terrified of going to his wife's house and encountering the other male.

Even after the month was up, Bill didn't go back to Fangtasia. Though Pam was convinced that was due to his embarrassment more than his banishment. Still, when it came the time for the third wish being granted, there were only Eric, Sookie and Pam herself present on Eric's office.

"I talked to Bill last night." said Sookie she was sitting on top of the desk. There were two suitcases at her feet. "He's really embarrassed about what happened. On the other hand he finally accepted that I'm not in love with him."

"He finally got a clue then?"

"Be nice Pam." Sookie chided her. "I kind of feel sorry for him."

"Well don't." Pam said simply. "He brought this on himself." With that the vampire/genie turned to her maker. "You have been too quiet, master."

"When it comes to Compton I have nothing to add."

Both Pam and Sookie rolled their eyes. Before the events of the last month, Eric had actually liked Bill, though neither of the two blond women could go as far as to claim that they were friends. They were at least trusted allies. Now though, the big blond Viking acted like a child who's afraid of clowns and spotted one when it came to the computer genius.

"Very well." agreed Pam. She was more than ready to move the program for the evening ahead. She eyed the two suitcases curiously for a moment before speaking. "Should I assume your wish has something to do with Sookie's upcoming trip?"

The one time barmaid of Merlott's had gone into business with her cousin Claude and opened a night club in Shreveport. _The Pixie Cage_ was now where _Vampire's Kiss_ used to be. Unlike Victor's club, this one catered completely to the supernatural community. Pretty much like _Club Dead _in Jackson, Mississippi.

With the income she got for being partner and acting manager, Sookie had finally managed to afford a real vacation. In Sookie's book, whose ancestors came from the sky, that meant sun time. So she was going to the Caribbean.

Once she had announced her upcoming trip, Pam had been unfortunately caught in the middle of the fight between her best -_human_- friend and her maker. Now seeing two suitcases in the office she was really curious as to how they managed to resolve their fight.

"Yes. Eric finally realizes that I was going to go with or without him so he's making time."

"I can trust of course," said Eric scowling at his wife's back, "that you will prevent my area from being run to the ground while I'm gone."

"Is there a reason as to why I'm only learning of this now?"

"We only just decided on this last night." said Sookie, apology in her voice. "Eric was being an idiot about me going, still."

"I was not being an idiot." Eric snapped affronted. For thirty second Pam was amused. In the nearly two centuries since she was made vampire she has never seen Eric so ruffled; until the blond telepath appeared. "I was concerned as to your security in another country; Even if I went with you, who would protect you during the day?"

Husband and wife scowled at each other. Pam just wished that someone had invented some blood flavored popcorn. Those two were her favorite show.

"What changed then?" she interrupted their glaring contest.

"I realize that thanks to you, I now have a way for Sookie to have her vacation while being protected the entire day."

Pam blinked. "You want me to make her indestructible or something?"

"No. I want- I wish," He corrected the last second, "for you to turn me human."

* * *

><p>Twenty one days, four hours, thirty nine minutes and ten seconds after Pam turned her maker into a completely average human male, she met with him and his wife in Bon Temps. They had arrived in the afternoon. But since she was basically a vampire still, she had been dead until darkness fell.<p>

She parked her _Outlander_ at the back of the house and took the big purse she seemed to carry with her everywhere these days. She never was one of those women that carried a lot of stuff, so before being turned into a genie, purses for her where fashion accessories like belts and earrings, not a necessity. Now though, since she took her bottle with her wherever she went, she uses big purses to hide it.

Shaking the straw throw away, she walked towards the back entrance of the house which led to the kitchen. She paused for a moment in front of the door. She could hear two heartbeats inside of the house and had a momentary pang when she realizes one of them belong to her maker. Shaking that away as well, she knocked.

"Who is it?"

"Pam."

Sookie opened the door and gave her a tentative smile and moved to the side to let her enter.

"I'm glad you are here." she said after closing the door. She moved to the fridge to take a bottle of blood out. "Do you want some blood? I picked it up today."

"Yes, thank you." As Sookie unsnapped the bottle and put it on the microwave, Pam used the opportunity to scrutinize her friend. She looks tired and frazzled. There was a little bit of mad showing on her face as well. A little bit of disappointment. All in all she didn't look like someone who just came from vacation. "Where is Eric?" she asked a little put out that he hadn't come to receive her.

Sookie gave the bottle of blood to Pam along with a napkin then sat at the table. "Sit down Pam." She was worrying her lower lip.

"Where's Eric?" she repeat a bit more firmly but sat down.

"He's asleep." said Sookie, who looked like she could use a nap as well.

"Why?" the idea of Eric sleeping the night away was laughable. It was alien to her.

Sookie narrowed her eyes and sat straighter on her chair. "Because he is being a baby." When Pam only raises an eyebrow Sookie sighed. "Pam, you are obviously still a genie." The blond vampire was still wearing her harem girl costume. "Do you still have magic?"

"For a few more days at least. That's what's powering my master's transformation. Once I became vampire again, so will he."

Sookie pouted. "I can't wait that long. I need you to change him back."

"Excuse me?" It wasn't often that she was surprised but she had to admit that her breather friend was the one who surprised her the most. "Weren't you the one who said that if Eric was alive he would be perfect?"

Sookie waved that away. "Shows what I knew." she seemed to deflate in her chair. Sookie cradled her face in her hands, and then ran her fingers through her hair. And pulled. "I can't stand him!" she explodes. "He thinks in another language that has probably been dead for centuries. And no matter how much I tried I can't shut him out of my head. He acted like a teenager on spring break. I had to bail him out of jail three times, twice because indecent exposure and once because he started a riot in a bar. In which, by the way, he was knifed and had to be stitched up. He got drunk and fell asleep on me! And I had to nurse him through the hangovers. Plus we found out the hard way he is allergic to nuts. He got a sunburn which he's been crying over ever since and now he's got the flu and is acting like it's the end of the world." she took Pam's hands in hers. "I need my vampire back. I can take this human idiot any longer. I'm begging you!"

"Did you get any pictures?"

"Pam!"

"I'm sorry. But this is out of my hands. We have to let the magic leave his body."

"This is all your fault."

"You know," she said conversationally, "I keep hearing that. But I wasn't the one who made the wishes."

Sookie blew a raspberry at her. Crossing her arms over her chest she turned her face away. "He's waking up. You can go and deal with him."

Extremely curious Pam followed her senses to the master bedroom where her maker was. The first thing she noticed when she entered the room was that Eric was in bed covered from toe to neck and was moaning in discomfort. There seemed to be a collection of Kleenex over the bed.

Eric appeared to realize there was someone in the room with him because he tried to open his eyes. "Sookie is that you?" his voice seemed wrong to Pam. It was a scratchy annoying sound rather than the soft velvet one she was accustomed.

"It's Pam." Even more disturbing than Eric's voice or his appearance was the fact that he hadn't recognized her. Without his vampire's senses and the human's ones dulled with sickness, he had no idea of who was in the room with him. That was a first.

"Pam." he said, he wet his lips with his tongue and looked at his child pitifully. "Where is Sookie?"

"Kitchen." she was watching him like he was a new species she had never seen before.

"Tell her my head is going to explode. And I'm thirsty." He was whispering.

"Do you want some True Blood?" Hers was still sitting on the kitchen table.

"No. Water will do. I'm still human remember?" He was suddenly seized by a round of sneezing. Thankfully he had managed to reach the Kleenex beforehand otherwise Pam would have fled. "I think my head is going to fall off." he murmured once the sneezing stopped. "Why is it so hot in here?" Pam just looked at him blankly. Then she turned around. "Where are you going?" he demanded then winced when his own raised voice made his head ache even more. "Tell Sookie I need her here now, Pam." he sounded pathetic.

Pam left the room and went to find Sookie who was in the living room. She had a glass of wine in her hand and was sitting in front of her empty fireplace.

"Who is that sniveling, whinny, little baby and what have you done with my maker?" demanded Pam.

"Wow, you were there for a whole thirty seconds." Was Sookie's answer. "Had enough?"

"He's... he's sneezing and crying and he wants _water_" she spat the last word like it was Eric's greater offense.

"I love him, Pam. I do. But I swear I'm not going to miss this side of him when he's back to himself."

"Are all human males like that?" She didn't have much contact with males when she was alive. Her father hardly had time for her while she was growing up and her older brother, who was heir to the family fortune, had been more interested in his friends than her. She could barely recall them without effort and she wasn't that interested.

"I don't remember my dad ever being sick. But my grandfather was the perfect man until he got sick. Then he was pretty much an invalid too. And the few times Jason got sick he was as much a baby as Eric."

Pam nodded, that made sense to her. Males, of any specie, were not as resilient as women were. "By the way, he's calling for you. His head hurts." a smile was tugging at the corner of her lips.

Sookie rolled her eyes. "I'll be there in a moment." she reached for the coffee table in the middle of the living room and took an envelope from it. She handed it to Pam. "Here. My debt to you is paid." Pam took the envelope and opened it. There were dozens of pictures inside. Some were featuring a clearly drunk Eric atop of a table in various state of undress. There were a few in which he was sleeping on a bed and his face had make-up on it. "I probably shouldn't have done that." Sookie confessed with a grin. "But he got so drunk that night that he fall sleep on me while we were... you know." she couldn't bring herself to say the words. She was flushed. "I was so mad at him. I even tried to put some of my underwear on him, but I couldn't move him."

"This is the best present ever." Pam gushed.

"You can't upload any of this to the internet like you did with Bill. In most of these pictures he's out in the sun."

"Yes, yes." she agreed rapidly. She was fascinated by all the material the blond telepath had given her. "He will never deny me anything ever again, as long as I have this."

"We are even, right?" asked Sookie standing up. Eric had started yelling for her.

"Oh yes. We are even. Thanks for your help."

Sookie stopped in the doorway between the living room and the hallway and looked back to her husband's child. "Are you satisfied? Was turning into a genie worth it?"

Pam stood up too with the pictures still in her hands. She thought back to the pranks the three of them had been playing on her. Then all she had to endure after turning into a genie. With a rare true smile she nodded, "They never saw it coming. They carried out my revenge for me and they didn't even realize it was all a ruse. Plus I have years of material in my hands to keep the upper-hand. So yes, it was all worth it."

"You do realize that they are all going to kill me when they figure out I was with you in this from the beginning. Don't you?"

"Don't worry, _step-mom_." she taunted. "I'll protect you." Pam winked at her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN2<strong>: This was an exirces for me and I realize I suck at humor. But I hope I could at least make you smile. Thanks for taking the time to read!

Comments, critics, flames, are all welcome (though I can really do without the last one, *winks*). You can reach me here, or send a **pm** or at my twitter account, were I am 24/7 under **PrincessVegeta**.

Once again, thanks for reading


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